OMG I cannot stop yawning today! I am feeling so run down. I think I’m just mentally and physically exhausted after this week. Plus my solar plexus and heart chakras are shot. I’ve tried doing Reiki on myself but I keep falling asleep. Definitely a job for someone else.
I’ve found myself pondering another FB detox/blackout. I just can’t seem to cope with the negativity and amount of utter bullshit people are spouting. Against my better judgement, I allowed myelf to be added to a closed group who are (supposedly) in existence to promote a holistic lifestyle living in harmony with the earth’s energies and aiming at lifting up the inhabitants as a whole. All I’m seeing however is the same new age fluffy bullshit and denigration of mainstream faiths and beliefs. Tell me again how the hell that makes them any better than the fundies they claim are narrowminded and unenlightened? It’s no small wonder then that I have shunned all paths that are Pagan and found my niche among Judaism and Buddhism (BuJu – it even has its own “label” – who knew?). People just suck.
I look back at my days as a 2nd degree Gardnerian Wiccan and often yearn to go back because I was So. Frigging. Happy. But even Wicca has been torn apart by commercialism, fluff bunny happy clappers and those who think following ANY rules is oppressive and unfair and accuse anyone of different opinions to theirs as being “bad” – Fuck. Right. Off. with your ignorant bullshit I say. The older I’ve gotten, the more intolerant of ignorant wankers I’ve become. As much as I hate it, I think solitary practicioner is where I fit and will stay
Having said that, I find a LOT of comfort in my Torah classes and the Modern Orthodox Jewish community. I think they are “my peeps” in the sense of support, fellowship and sense of belonging. I know right? My “Buddhist peeps” are a great collection of practicioners from all walks of life and all levels of the journey. Yet they’re some of the least judgy and shitty people I know. Things are definitely changing for me and that includes shift in my IRL friends too. Not because of anything any of us have said or done, it’s just what it is. I cut away the superficial deadwood a few months ago and a weight lifted off my shoulders (some of them STILL have no idea because they’re so caught up in being the star to their audience LOL).
I’ve been doing a lot of daily meditation and it has made a big difference overall. For that I am grateful. I guess I’ll just keep on keeping on and let things take their course for change.