Today I had a phone call from my BFF that utterly devastated me. Out of respect for their privacy I won’t go into detail, but the role I believed I would play to resolve the situation was revealed to not be possible to them. When I was informed, I was inconsolable. I stood in the middle of the shopping centre, bawling my eyes out. The alternative is so abhorrent to me, that I still can’t quite accept it.
I know I have to let go of things and deal with it, but I don’t want to. In my mind, accepting it is equal to the worst case scenario. And selfishly, I don’t want to accept a life that will have my BFF incapacitated, getting sicker or worse. It’s not even a case of me sticking my head in the sand, or denial. It’s just plain outrage and anger. This is a classic case of the Second Noble Truth in action. And fighting it has just made me sick – physically. I’m also heartbroken but that too is linked to the Second Noble Truth.
Logically I know I should meditate, pray and observe my feelings before letting them go. However, this just shows what a lousy follower of the Dharma I am. I have much work ahead of me if I even want to begin to consider myself remotely connected to learning the Dharma.
Big reality check.