Disappointed

So it’s been a while and lots has happened. One of the happier events is that I got engaged. A few people who I expected to be happy for me, have completely ignored the news – and that’s their perogative – but on the whole people have been genuinely happy for me, which is a really nice feeling.

Part of the group that have been incommunicado, apart from two people, are the Jewish community I’m a part of. That really caught my by surprise and, I’ll admit, really hurt my feelings. Anyway, I gave the benefit of the doubt and notified my Rabbi I wouldn’t be at Shabbas just gone by as I would be up the coast celebrating my engagement with my fiance and his family. My Rabbi called me within five minutes of my text message and was genuinely surprised at my engagement. Then he said “I don’t know whether to wish you Mazel Tov or not, is he Jewish?” I was quite taken aback and my first reaction was “But _I’M_ Jewish so why wouldn’t you wish me a Mazel Tov??” Instead I replied that no he isn’t Jewish and my Rabbi asked me how my mother and daughter felt about it. When I told my Rabbi they were happy and loved him, he replied with “Congratulations!! You should bring him to Shabbas next week”. Truth be told, going to Shabbas next week or in the future is an issue of mixed emotions now. I know intermarriage is not encouraged by Orthodox Jews of any observance levels, but I never expected this. Still, at least my Rabbi had the decency to acknowledge my engagement. Everyone else has just ignored it.

I guess this tells me EXACTLY where I stand in the eyes of the Jewish people – OUTSIDE. But you know what? Fuck. That. I’m probably more Jewish than most after my DNA results and the people I am directly related to now. And that’s all that matters to me. I _KNOW_ who I am, I have nothing to prove to anyone. I won’t choose between my faith and my fiance, and if I’m forced to, well I can walk away from Shul knowing I never judged or treated anyone like an outcast.

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One thought on “Disappointed

  1. perfect example of why faith has very little to do with religion. Religion is comfortable and educational, but sometimes it just isn’t right. Any religion that hides discrimination and prejudice behind rules and regulations is just another less militant hate group.
    You faith comes from you, and nothing should shake that. Especially in a time of love and growth that comes from finding your partner.

    Like

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