So I’m getting close to the end of the week and it can’t get here soon enough. The flu is making its way through my team and I am worried I’m coming down with it again too 😦
I “caved in” and davened this morning. It was quite intense and moving, given I haven’t prayed like that in three weeks (since the initial reaction to my engagement). It was very comforting, but I have the feeling it will be a purely solitary activity from now on. I also emailed my Rabbi with an update on things. I was pretty honest about how I felt without being brutal or rude.
I think one of my greatest downfalls in the past has been to not speak my truth when I should have – instead I’ve aimed at keeping the peace or not offending people, when they’ve not had the same level of concern for me. So now, even if it makes others, or myself uncomfortable, I need to be truthful when asked. I haven’t heard back from my Rabbi and I don’t really know if I will. But at least I know I was honest when asked. And that’s all I can do these days.