What’s The Most Irritating Thing In The World?

Being unable to scratch your foot while it’s in plaster.

Well, a camboot (more commonly known as a moonboot).  On Sunday (two days ago), I fractured my left ankle while playing soccer (but it was an awesome save – I am/was goalie). So needless to say, my soccer season is over, and I am now adjusting to life on crutches and the inability to use my left leg for some time – at least three months. To say it’s difficult is an understatement. I have to plan everything, even using the toilet 😐 But worse than that (and yes, worse than the itching I can’t reach) is the pain. It’s constant and relentless. A thudding pain in the bone itself, and just when I think it can’t get any worse, it proves me wrong with sudden, sharp stabbing pain all through my ankle and foot. I have a cocktail of painkillers and anti inflammatories, and I even set my watch to take them to keep the pain at bay. After all, I have to go back to work in two days and I need to have some pain tolerance built up.

I broke so many bones as a child, and never did it impede my life like now. Part of that I put down to the exuberance of youth, and the other part I believe is my mind blotting out the pain part of the memories. But as a forty something, it bloody hurts.I gave birth naturally, with a 13 hour labour and this hurts way more than that 😦 Or maybe I’m just a wuss. Anyway, while waiting for the ambulance on Sunday, I uttered the usual prayers of the injured (“God, please make the pain go away” and the ever popular “Oh God, oh God, OH GOD!!”). But after a while, I remembered to keep my breathing even or I would bring on an asthma attack, and then I’d really be screwed. While focusing on my breathing, I started to mentally say a mindfulness meditation chant by Thich Nhat Hanh;

“Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment.”

I wasn’t smiling at all, I can tell you. But the rhythm of the mantra stuck in my head, and then I couldn’t stop it. It was on repeat over and over, and stayed on repeat till the paramedics got there. Once they got there and had to move me, sheer agony replaced everything and then I got the magic pen (Pethidine) and nothing mattered. Once in the ER, the pethidine started to wear off and I was in agony (thankfully I was still “stoned” when they x-rayed me). By default almost, I started chanting TNH’s mantra again. After a while I swapped to The Medicine Buddha’s mantra. While it didn’t obliterate the pain, it helped with it, along with the drugs the doctor intravenously administered after a while because they knew putting the camboot on would be sheer agony for me (and it was).

I’ve meditated regularly over the past two days to help in between taking painkillers. It feels weird because since I “hung up my mala beads” I haven’t meditated at all. But it was my default go to *shrugs* Guess a part of me is still buddhist-ish after all. Or old habits die hard 😛

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Life…

I have the very good fortune of writing this from my new job. The best part about the new job (apart from only being 10 mins’ drive from home – in peak hour traffic), is the Zen Garden just outside my office. It’s so peaceful and gives me a space to just breathe and do a few minutes of Mindfulness Meditation.

It’s a little hiatus during the day that helps me re-focus and centre myself. For that, I am very grateful.

Happy Monday _/\_

So….

I’ve been absent for a while now because of work, family, and moving.I’ve also gone through a bit of a dark night of the soul situation that originally started with my spiritual path (surprise) but bled into all aspects of my life. As a result, I’ve started a massive overhaul of everything.

I’m hoping by applying the K.I.S.S approach to things that I will become more centred, focused and, well, NICER in general. it’s not that I am such a wicked, horrible bitch (though I’m sure there are people out there who think I am), so much as I am a very reactive person. So when the proverbial splatters on the fan, I react strongly most of the time. Apart from being bad for my health, it can have adverse results for me if I’m in my work environment (where most of my splatterings have taken place over the past few months). And to be perfectly honest, I’m sick and tired of living in a state of chronic anxiety and being on a rollercoaster of stress, relief, and uncertainty with rinse and repeat ad nauseum. My sleep has been affected, my health has been affected, and even my personality has been affected. Enough is enough!

I’ve made the conscious decision to change my outlook and lifestyle. I also took a bit of a sabbatical from social media because that was only feeding the frenzy. I feel ok at the moment, even though I lost a “friend” along the way – that hurt, but it is what it is and I refuse to get involved in any self-flagellation over her choice to turn her back. I wish her well. But this is about me and my wellbeing now.

Emerging

So, I had a sabbatical from Farcebook and feel fantastic. I detoxed from all the negative crap I was being bombarded with on a daily basis, started a page for my Reiki business and started my masters in Reiki.

Last night I did a Manifesting and Working with Crystals workshop last night which was AMAZING!! It’s really given me a refresher with my crystals and urged me to do more energy work. I am going to look into Pranic Healing next.

Last night’s Beltane energy resonated with me as well. So there will be plenty of healing and growing to be done during November. New beginnings and new ways of doing things are also on the cards.

Exciting!!!

Using Pain & Frustration In My Spiritual Practise

​So I’m really no stranger to either in my life. I am probably the most accident prone person I know (and I suspect that most people know :P). Sunday night I ended up redoing a fracture to my wrist that I originally did about 8 years ago. I went to the doctor who sent me to the hospital who x-rayed it and subsequently set it in plaster and sent me home.

I was in a lot of pain (and still am to a lesser degree). ​ It’s my right hand and lucky for me I’m left handed. So that helps big time. But the first three days were a nightmare. I ended up having to have two days off work because I couldn’t type and 95% of my job is – you guessed it – typing. Then on Wednesday morning I got a removeable cast which is SOOOO much better. It’s lighter and less bulky. But typing still takes its toll, so I’m on reduced hours. And I still have a fair amount of pain (but good painkillers).

As a result, I have had more time to reflect on things and up my spiritual game. I’ve increased my meditation, thought about what I really want to achieve, and tried to implement it. The pain in my wrist has been quite intense at times and has interrupted me when meditating and sleeping. My automatic reaction is to utter a swear word (or several) in one of a handful of languages I know, and ruminate on "why me". Instead, I have used the pain as a reminder to come back to the present and to reaffirm that my intent is to focus on being the best version of myself and that I’m a constant work in progress.

I’d like to think it’s successful, but it’ a series of constant baby steps. I’ll be in a cast for the next four weeks, so I’m sure I’ll have some setbacks. But as long as I can remind myself that it’s ok to not be perfect and my feelings are normal, I should be able to make some progress. So that’s a start.

Tired

Last night was a bit of a comedy of errors so I didn’t get to go back into Shrine​. I also didn’t get a chance to go to bed earlier than 11.30pm and was up at 5am after broken sleep. So I’m utterly exhausted.

I’ve also had to forcibly go on a short hiatus from Farcebook because quite frankly, with all the bullshit people are posting without fact checking about the Las Vegas shootings, my bullshit meter is well and truly broken.

Today though I put on my Shabu made for me by my dear friend SetjatAset for the first time in a few years and I feel quite grounded and comforted knowing it’s on me. So that’s a really good start.